Memories

There is something that happens to me every single day, and yet it still catches me off guard everytime it happens.
I'll be doing some kind of monotonous task, like the dishes or folding laundry or getting in the shower, and I'll remember something that happened months ago... and it feels like I am there again. Away from all of these nightmarish experiences that have recently taken place, away from lies and away from sadness. I go back to places and times when I was happier, when I was in love, when I was loved, and I'm telling you... it feels so real. It feels like I am back there again.
I haven't decided yet whether this is a blessing or a curse. The memories are happy, but it just makes them contrast that much more with the messy and disheartening state of affairs that I am surrounded by.
Parts of me want to be desperate, go crazy, do anything I can to make things right with the people I have wronged. And then there is this part of me that is so tired... so exhausted. It's the part of me that feels like I have been chasing after something for so long now. I feel weary, I just want to find a place in my mind where I have some peace and feel like things are being resolved. I wonder all day long when I will finally get to this place, or if I ever will. Is there such thing as peace of mind? If there is, it must be quite temporary indeed.
Do I do everything? Or do nothing? And is there any point in doing anything that falls in the middle of those two categories? Or is there even anything to be done? Can anything be done? I don't mean to say that all attempts are futile, or that the people I am trying to reconcile with are not worth the effort... I am just so damned tired of all of this. I just want to settle down a bit.

Luckily I have work to distract me for a little while. And some funny people around me that help to make me smile and forget for a few minutes the way I am feeling about my life in general. That, without question, is a blessing and not a curse.
Laughter really is one of the best medicines, however temporary it may be.

I wish sometimes I didn't remember everything in such great detail...